tug

isn't it funny that everyone has to go through life accepting something about themselves. some people are fat and they have to deal with their weight. some people are bald[ing]and look for ways to cover it up. some people have no personality, they're socially incapable and slow to build any kind of relationship. some people are beautiful and smart and sexy but are consumed by it so much they never become involved in anyone else besides them.

well i'm short, white, balding, sometimes socially awkward and i try every day to accept who i am. i've been given so much more than many people, yet so much less than others. what digs at me is the tragedy that people deal with and how it corrupts their stability. everyone has an emotional make up that gets twisted at some point or another. parents, friends, lovers, you name it and if two people are involved in a relationship, things are bound to get ugly.i used to be stable, i used to be sane. blah blah blah. see, i'm living in the "used to be's". when will i conquer this? how can i win? why do i continue to lose one relationship after another?

somehow i have a strong tug towards hopelessness. but what is so fascinating is the deeper tug i have towards hope in the midst of my hopelessness.