blocks

i cannot tell you what it feels like to be happy. i want to describe what it's like and how it feels, but the words won't come out of my heart. everything starts there.

the more i live, the more i hurt. it's not like life gets easier, complication just builds one block on top of the other. and that's where i'm losing it. i can't figure out how to start dealing with all the blocks. it's so overwhelming that i can hardly bear one yet i'm bearing what feels like twenty. i want to focus on one block at a time and whittle it down until it stops ruining me.
this blog has become an outlet for these blocks. and to my readers, i must apologize for the mellow tones of my life's (mostly exaggerated) difficulties. but i consider this my open diary where i bear all the gory details of my innermost failures. thank you for reading and listening. let me leave you with a lyric from bright eyes.

I had a friend who changed his name
But couldn't change himself
Never quite figured out
How to deal with what life had dealt
He put a needle in his arm to calm his handsome hell
Who would've imagined it
"conor oberst"