so what's life like on the flip?

I'm going to let you in on a secret.
I'm not who you think I am, or who you thought I was.
I have changed.
We have changed.
And I thought I had it all figured out.

It's been nearly a year since the collapse of my first and only marriage to Jessica. No, not Jessica Simpson or Miss Alba. THE Jessica Ruth Johnson Lemasters. We cautiously entered marriage in 2003 while I pastored at College Wesleyan Church.

I say cautiously for two reasons.

One, the night before I got married I called my dad and asked him if I should "go through with it" because I knew it would be difficult. I felt uneasy and knew something was off.

Two, as we drove away from our reception, I remember Jes telling me to pull over so she could throw up on the side of the road (not a mile from her house). A few weeks before the big day I told Jes we should slow down and talk about a later wedding date. Both of us were cautious and knew something was wrong. But we did it anyway. We got married.

Boy was that first year tough. I cannot think of many things harder in my life than our first year of marriage. Everyone says it's the hardest and they were right. Why was it difficult? Because sex is never as good as you hope, ministry is never as fulfilling as you thought, and getting along with another person is sometimes damn near impossible. At least with our childlike approach, it took every ounce of energy out of our lives being together. We could not get on the same page.

Our second year was slightly better only because we had already exposed our greatest weaknesses. Once they were out in the open, we just sat and starred at them. Note to the Reader: Laziness is the key to a quick marital separation. Or at least motivation. Love is typically the motive of change and without it two people can't change for each other. So the absence of love is the absence of change.

When our third year came along I left my ministry position and moved to Los Angeles, California to give Jes an opportunity to find a better more successful career opportunity. January of 2006 we began a discussion that would lead to a permanent separation. I was 26.
So I started a blog. On faith. On marriage. On divorce. And on ministry. This is my life and my perspective on the other side of marriage and ministry as a young adult in his "mid" twenties. I want to let you in on the dark and the light of my road.